Madness in Wonderland-The Awakening-Chaper one

Years had passed since that sunny day, and my little Alfred was all grown up. He now helped me with many chores about the house, and soon, he'd stop aging, just as I had. He was growing up into a grand looking young fellow, and I was rather proud of him.


He was my life.


Once I'd cleaned up that dirty little boy, he became the reason I existed. I had wanted nothing more than to see him happy... and I did just that. I watched him plump up, gain muscle, transform from that scrawny little boy into the strong, young man I saw before me today.


It was truly an amazing thing to watch... but, as Alfred grew, I knew that I would soon have to let him go. He would want to explore the world for himself, and find a wife of his own, and settle down...


Without me.


That was the part that made me sad. So sad, that it hurt. I did not want him to leave, but as he grew more and more independent from me, I realized that he would soon not care for the protective caretaker that I had become.


I would have to give him a bit more space, if I wanted him to stay. I let him did what he wished, wondering in this land of awe and insanity in which we lived, watching him change from a child who was easily entertained by bread and butterflies, who a man who questioned the possibility of flying bread.


He was curious to the world around him. He wanted to know how things worked, and how they became... but, there was no answer. Everything just simply was. There was no logic, or hidden answers. The world around us didn't have any meaning. It just was. It simply was, and there was no reason for that.


The sun was high in the sky, as I tidied up the house a bit, sweeping and mopping, and cleaning up. Alfred was still in bed. He liked to sleep, a lot. I started cooking some pancakes for him, and some bacon and eggs. He was a big eater, and I was more than happy to cook for him.


As soon as the bacon hit the pan, I heard him stirring in the floor above me. I grinned, as I heard him stumbling down the flight of stairs. He leaned in the doorway of the kitchen, his hair a mess of blonde, his eyes that same stunning blue, glasses hanging off the edge of his nose, for he did not put his contacts in yet today.


He gave me a sleepy smile, in return to my bright grin.  "Good afternoon, Alfred." I said, teasingly, as I handed him a plate with his breakfast on it, before I poured myself a mug of coffee. He sat down at the table, and wasted no time on getting started. I took a swig of my coffee, as I continued cooking.


"Good-morning." he said, through a mouthful of eggs, a grin on his face as I sat to join him, a plate full of my own breakfast. I smiled at him, placing a napkin on my lap. I took a small bite of bacon, and smiled at him.


Since he'd come into my life, things hadn't be so... lonely, around here. But, it seemed like Alfred was gone more and more, lately... and gone until long past darkness had fallen. Some nights, I didn't know when he got in, and that was my guess as to why he's been sleeping so much.



Perhaps I should follow him, sometime. I could be sneaky if I truly wanted to... but, then again, if he spotted me, and if he should grow angry, he very well might leave here for good, and then I'd just be pushing him away from me... which, was the very last thing I wanted.


Soon, Alfred had finished eating, and he bounded up the stairs to get dressed. I sighed a bit, and shook my head, rising up after finishing my own meal. I was no longer his watchdog... now, I was more of a... 'roommate'.


It was alright though, we did a lot of fun things together! It was a brilliant time we had... But, I was slowly realizing, he was no longer a child... I was becoming... fascinated with him. Obsessed. He was a grown man, just like myself, and... I had an attraction to him. A very strong one.


I wanted something... anything to happen with us. If things stay the way they are, I'll surely become as mad as the Queen herself. I groaned inwardly, leaning on the counter, feeling like the world was falling away around me.


I felt like a sick man, for feeling this way... after all, men couldn't love other men. Men had to merry women. That was how it was done, and that was how it would always be done. I could never, ever, reveal my true feelings to Alfred... no, if I did that... he'd surely hate me. He would surely leave me, and scoff about me, and I would loose everything I'd ever wanted.


I wasn't willing to risk that... only because... I am a coward. I'm so afraid of scaring him off, my heart couldn't bear to loose him, even if he was never mine to begin with.  I knew he wasn't mine, but I so desperately wanted him to be.


I heard him basically leaping down the stairs, and running to the kitchen threshold... until he saw me... hunched over the counter, holding tightly to it, as though I couldn't stand up on my own.


I watched his expression change from lightheartedness, to fear and worry within three seconds. He walked up to me, blinking, a frown on his pink lips. "Are you alright, Aurthur?" He asked, obviously rather worried.


I could see the furrow of this eyebrows, how they pulled together, and I saw the anxiety in his eyes. It caused a pang of agony in the pit of my stomach, to know that he could never understand these raging emotions I felt... the butterflies I got whenever he smiled at me, the rip of jealously in my heart when he shamelessly flirted with the pretty girls.


I swallowed, the color drained of my face, before I straightened up, and tried to compose myself. "Perfectly." I said, my voice breaking in the slightest, as I quickly walked to my room, my cheeks ablaze with a bright red blush that creeped from my neck, burned my ears, and washed all the way up to my hairline. There was no doubt that he saw it.